Where are the greedy bankers who were offering us easy loans?

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

I was fascinated by the news coverage from America of the two Bear Stearns executives arrested for fraud over the collapse of hedge funds.

Ralph Cioffi and Matthew Tannin were escorted from their homes by the FBI last week in front of TV cameras after an undercover operation among banks called "Operation Malicious Mortgage".

The credit crunch had caused them to lie to investors to keep money in funds despite them being worthless. They had lost $1.4bn (€900m) of their clients' money including $400m (€258m) belonging to Barclays Bank.

In e-mails to Tannin, Cioffi said that he was "sick to my stomach" over the funds' performance, with Tannin responding that sub-prime mortgages (which are given to vulnerable people at high interest rates) were looking "damn ugly" and mentioned a report suggesting that the entire market was "toast".

All the time they were reassuring investors that the fund was an 'awesome opportunity' and sweet talked their way into millions of dollars, resulting in the collapse of the 85-year-old bank. Really, did they not learn anything from Nick Leeson?

The prosecutor who is suing the pair, Benton Campbell, said: "Honesty and integrity are the foundations on which the financial markets function."

Well, it would be nice to think so, certainly.

There are consequences to the alarming sums of money that Irish banks have been shovelling at property buyers here over the last few years.

The borrowers were reassured that they could easily afford that one-bedroom LEGO apartment only two hours drive from Dublin.

Yet now they are now facing negative equity, living in a flat they can't sell for love nor money. It would be poetic justice to see the bankers concerned taking some of the moral blame for the pain they havepartly caused in the Irish mortgage market.

The current stock solution to over-lending seems to be marching customers down to the repossessions court after they miss a couple of payments and then offering to rent them back their house after they become the owners.

With interest rates continuing to rise at the same pace as unemployment, things can only get worse.

But it's a bit late in the day, never mind disingenuous, for banks to suddenly start tightening their lending criteria now.

'Head over Heels' about Brosnan's new role

I'm off on my well deserved holliers for a few weeks, but I rather wish I had booked the Greek islands, especially after seeing the trailer for the Mamma Mia movie.

Forget Sex and the City, this will be my film of the summer.

I'm already drooling over the cast of Meryl Streep, Colin Firth and Pierce Brosnan (Imagine Mr Darcy AND James Bond on screen together), I can't wait for it to open next month.

I'm arranging a gal-pal night out and having seen the stage show several times, it's become cool again to be an Abba fan.

But Pierce Brosnan has admitted he didn't even know what he was signing up for. He said he had never seen the show, but accepted the part when he got the call.

"When the gig came in, they said, 'Meryl Streep, and Greece' -- 'I'm in,' was my response. I didn't have a clue what the show was about.

Meryl was the blonde I fancied a lot as a young lad at drama school. She was a cracking-looking girl," he added.

Agnetha -- you could have had him!

Don the guna and heels to outdo Carla

Now ladies, you've been given due warning. You have a couple of weeks to get the diet going, pop into BTs for the new outfit and book the hairdresser.

Because we've been such naughty little Europeans, our boldness has warranted a visit from the President of the EU no less, who happens, for the next six months, to be Nicolas Sarkozy.

In an attempt to coerce our brazen electorate into voting the proper way the next time around, Sarko is hitting our shores next month to rap us on les knuckles.

The fluster and bluster among TDs and the press corps will be unprecedented, of course.

There'll be photo ops, smiles all round and politicians jostling each other out of the way to be in the frame ... with the delectable Carla Bruni, now Mrs le President of France, and Europe. Hasn't she come a long way from nude photo shoots?

So don't be outdone by the chic first lady. Don the guna and the heels and give her a run for her money. Remember she's in her 40s.

Yes, I know, she doesn't look it. But don't let that put you off.

It's all stylists, lighting and make-up, you know. When you see her in the cold light of day, she'll look ... well, OK then, probably still fabulous.

Journo Kay sees red in Naomi hurly Burley

Being a journalist is a more hazardous occupation than you might realise.

There's all that jostling for position at news conferences, beating off other journos vying for a spot. In the case of Sky News' Kay Burley, that's literally the case.

The red-headed, hot-head got steamed up when she was ousted by the delightfully named Kirsty Wigglesworth during the media scrum that ensued at Naomi Campbell's court hearing, resulting in a black eye for Ms Burley who responded by allegedly throttling Kirsty, who is now considering legal action for the bruising around her throat.

Really, Naomi has a lot to answer for. Her repeated rage offences which have seen her in court are obviously rubbing off.

There wasn't any of that carry on at the Lisbon Treaty press conferences, more's the pity.

Prof puts it up to the quacks with €12k bet

A sceptical scientist has offered a cash prize to anyone who can prove homeopathy works.

Professor Edzard Ernst of Exeter University says he will award Stg£10,000 (€12,600) to the first person who can prove the process in a scientifically controlled trial.

He said homeopaths should 'put up or shut up', claiming there was no evidence that the method beloved of Hollywood was effective at healing ills.

I've always been more than a bit dubious about 'woo woo' treatments that rely on faith rather than science.

Homeopaths believe that the greater the dilution of a substance, the more potent it becomes, and 'ingredients' are mixed in massive amounts of water, sometimes the equivalent of one drop in a whole swimming pool.

The claim is that the solution retains a 'memory' of the active ingredient, which it passes to the body to help fight the illness.

Yeah, right. Or, you could just like, believe it works, and what do you know, sometimes that's enough.

It occasionaly works with religious zealots, and 'faith healers' so why not drops of water?

I've a good feeling he'll be keeping the ten grand in his pocket.

Source: http://www.herald.ie/opinion/columnists/sinead-ryan/